Ford's Risky Business
by Chemical-King
Summary: When the family's away, it's Ford who comes at to play. Semi-crack, oneshot.


"Stan, kids? Is anybody home?" Ford Pines called out as he wandered into the main floor of the Mystery Shack. "I got tell you guys about this nap I took; by using an incubus sealed in a jar, I got the best sleep I ever took. Sure my dreams were eaten and I might not do much dreaming for a while, but a small price to pay for an energizing power nap."

After looking around the shop for any sign of his family, Ford spotted a note on the counter. Picking it up, the researcher read the note to himself:

 _"Dear Great Uncle Ford,_

 _It's Wing-A-Palooza in Gravity Falls, so Grunkle Stan closed up early and took me, Mabel, Wendy, and Soos to get our wing on. We noticed you were napping so we left you alone to get some rest. We shouldn't be gone too long._

 _Love, Dipper and the family._

 _P.S. I couldn't help but notice that thing in the jar that was next to you was pulsating and whispering something. It's probably nothing to worry about, right?"_

Looking at his watch, Ford calculated that he had at least half an hour all to himself before they came back. Thus, Ford began going over his options. He could clean out his beakers, get around to that equation that had stumped him a week ago, catch those drop bears that have been popping up in the nearby trees…

A crazy idea suddenly popped into his head. A few nights ago, Ford and Stan had an afterhour's movie night once they kids went to bed. Stan had suggested a movie called Risky Venture or Tricky Business or something along those lines. Ford was zoning in and out while Stan was hooting and jeering at the antics on screen, so he couldn't remember the plot of the film exactly. He did vaguely recall one particular scene that stood out to him; at one point in the movie, the lead character was dancing around an empty house in nothing but a white shirt, a pair of socks and sunglasses. For some reason, Ford found this daring and somewhat exciting; dancing around half naked He pondered when he'd ever go to do something similar. Now was his chance.

"Hmm, I don't have white shirts on me and there's no way I'm raiding Stan's closet just to recreate some movie scene," Ford mumbled aloud. "To heck with it, I'll work with what I got."

With a goofy grin on his face, Ford grabbed the stereo from behind the counter and swiped some sunglasses off the display case. Ford then hurried and positioned himself behind the entryway into the store. A tan coat is thrown across the entryway, followed by a red turtleneck sweater, two boots, a pair of black pants, and finally, a pair of white briefs. Music cut through the silence of Mystery Shack as a naked Ford Pines slid from the entryway, clad in only his socks and the sunglasses he borrowed.

" _Just take those old records off the shelf  
I'll sit and listen to 'em by myself  
Today's music ain't got the same soul  
I like that old time rock 'n' roll  
Don't try to take me to a disco  
You'll never even get me out on the floor  
In ten minutes I'll be late for the door  
I like that old time rock'n' roll"_

Using the lyrics as musical cues, Ford went about the gift shop naked, trying to imitate the dance moves from the movie to the best of his memory and lip synching the words in the song. Ford even threw in some free style moves, such as swiveling his hips Elvis style and pointing Saturday Night Fever style.

" _Won't go to hear them play a tango  
I'd rather hear some blues or funky old soul  
There's only sure way to get me to go  
Start playing old time rock 'n' roll  
Call me a relic, call me what you will  
Say I'm old-fashioned, say I'm over the hill  
Today' music ain't got the same soul  
I like that old time rock 'n' roll"_

In all of Ford's tomfoolery, he failed to hear the store's door ring over the loud music. Just as the scientist was in the middle of a meat swing, the song ended and Ford heard a throat being cleared. Mortified, Ford ceased dancing and turned towards the sound. Standing in front of Ford was his twin brother, Stanley, owner of the Mystery Shack, with his arms crossed and a perturbed look on his face.

"I see that nap did you wonders," Stan quipped, his expression unchanging.

"Stan!" cried out Ford as he covered himself with his two hands. "W-w-what are you doing here?! Wasn't there some chicken wing festival in town today?"

"I came back to look for Soos' wing bib; guy can get sauce anywhere if he doesn't have his bib," Stan replied. He motioned a hand towards the nude Ford. "And then I come in to find my brother in his birthday suit, radio on full blast, trying to re-enact a scene from a movie in the loosest sense of the word. I mean the guy may have danced in his underpants but geez, limits."

"He had underwear on!? I was under the impression he just wore his shirt," Ford yelped. Noticing the flabbergasted expression on Stan's face, Ford tried to save face and backtracked, "Uh, I mean, y-yeah of course he had underwear on. But hey, I figured, I can top that! Only half naked? Psssh. Let's see Tom Whatsit try to pull off what I did, know what I mean?"

Stan considered this while rubbing his chin, then softened his expression. "You know what; point taken. It's your house and I can't stop you from doing what you want. And might I add, genius move pulling it off while everyone was everyone was away. I like this side of Ford. It's a wild and fun side."

"Um, yes, indeed," Ford said, feigning confidence and putting his hands at his hips. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an incubus to study. And seeing as this is my house, I might even conduct my studies in the nude. Or not. You never know with wild and fun Ford."

With that, Ford turned around and strutted off towards the entryway, seemingly full of pride. However, once he got past the entryway, he quickly gathered up his discarded clothing and scurried upstairs, face red with embarrassment.

Stan let out a good hearted chuckle and turned towards the exit. As he got to the door, rather than take his leave, he paused for a moment. After some deliberation, the con man locked the door and headed towards the entryway, swiping a pair of shades from the display case. Stan positioned himself from behind the entryway and soon, a two piece black suit, a white shirt, two brown loafers and a pair of boxers were tossed to one side. Then the music started up.

" _Just take those old records off the shelf…"_

* * *

 **Ironically, I came up with this after waking up from a dream. I hadn't even watched Risky Business or Gravity Falls the night before, making it all the more weirder.**

 **Leave a comment after reading if you'd please.**


End file.
